


Lock and Key

by suhossineun



Series: does it feel (better than love) [3]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Canon Compliant, Comfort, Comfort No Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hyung Kink, Insomnia, Lullabies, M/M, Phone Calls & Telephones, Platonic Cuddling, Showers, Sleepy Cuddles, Weight Gain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-21
Updated: 2017-11-21
Packaged: 2019-02-05 05:42:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12788256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suhossineun/pseuds/suhossineun
Summary: Junmyeon is no stranger to loneliness, even despite his busy life. Baekhyun fills in that emptiness, even when he isn't physically there.





	Lock and Key

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a long time coming but here it is, finally, third installment in this series. I promised Jimmy, also known as bulbamyeon, to write this ages and ages ago and I'm so sorry it took me so long. But this is for you dear, for always hyping me up and cheering me on, you're soft and precious and I feel so infinitely lucky to have you! I never thought that I would get to make friends with an artist I have admired for a long time but somehow my fanfics brought us together. This one's for you <3 
> 
> Come talk to me on twitter @suhossineun for twitter fics and a lot of unnecessary junmyeon retweets.

I

Ever since Junmyeon was forced to live without a roommate, he’s been feeling increasingly lonely. Someone might argue that he’s just being unnecessarily clingy, but he had a roommate for over five years. Getting used to living on his own is easier said than done, at least for him. 

The fact that they’re all divided into two different dorms doesn’t help either; Chanyeol, Sehun, and Jongin could all be out and leave him all by himself, even if someone was home in the dorm downstairs. Even though he visits Sehun often in their old room, it’s not quite the same; he misses having someone there, sharing a living space with him. Someone whose breathing to listen to while he’s falling asleep, someone to talk to while getting ready to bed. He misses it.

Having a room of his own, it just isn’t the same.

The other dorm has all the home buddies, too. Jongdae, Minseok, and Baekhyun are all notorious for how much they like to spend time at home, which leaves Junmyeon with just one option- go visit them as often as he can. He finds it a bit unfair that he’s been left stranded with the members who actually go out sometimes, but he didn’t think it would be a problem until Sehun kicked him out of their shared room.

At first, he felt it necessary to make excuses for every visit downstairs. Pretend that he needed to get something from the other dorm, or that he had something he needed to talk about urgently. It worked for maybe a week, tops, before everyone began to see right through him- there is only so many things he could think of borrowing or searching for in the other dorm, after all. 

“It’s alright to need me,” Baekhyun had said. Had promised. “It’s alright to come to see me, if you feel alone. Or even if you don’t feel alone- it’s still alright to come to hyung.” And then, more quiet: “I would like it if you did.”

Minseok and Jongdae mostly just made fun of him, and Junmyeon knows better than to mind them too much. Yet he does care- it’s never been easy for him to express needing others so openly. 

Right now, though, Junmyeon is indeed feeling lonely, and cuddly. He steals one of Chanyeol’s oversized sweaters from the big closets in their dorm, but when it does nothing to comfort him, he gives in to temptation. His dignity means nothing. Everyone here knows just how needy he gets, anyway. 

He only puts on some slippers to leave the dorm, hurrying downstairs quickly in order to not be caught by the neighbors. They’re all nice, they really are, but even in the safety of the apartment building he thinks he has an image to upkeep. He looks a bit funny dressed like this, in a hoodie so big he’s swimming in it, and he doesn’t want anyone to see. 

He doesn’t bother knocking on the door, just punches in the key code and slips inside. The lights are on, so he hopes that someone should be home. Someone called Baekhyun, in all honesty, but he will take any company over being by his lonesome right now. 

It’s funny, that- he spends so much time being constantly surrounded by people, by admiring fans and bright lights, that one would think he’d appreciate a break away from it all. But instead, the quietness of regular life seems so daunting, leaves him so empty. The constant bustle of idol life at least fills that void in him that otherwise is all too deep to be ignored. 

“Anyone home?” he calls out softly as he kicks his slippers off and pads inside on bare feet. 

“Here,” Baekhyun’s voice calls out, and as Junmyeon rounds the corner, he can see him lying down on the couch. He’s dressed similarly to him in oversized clothes, his hair a soft mess, his phone in his hand and the TV on in the background. His smile, though, is as blinding as always, the boxy shape of it and the puppy teeth endearing. Junmyeon has to really focus on quieting his restless heart. 

“I thought I’d find at least one of you here,” Junmyeon admits as he sits on the edge of the couch, next to Baekhyun. It’s not what he wants to do, but he’s still hesitant to push boundaries. To go that extra mile- he wants to, but he’s afraid to. Needs Baekhyun’s boldness and directness first to show him that it’s alright.

He’s so hopeless, he knows this.

“You know me so well,” Baekhyun croons, looking back to his phone even as he pats Junmyeon’s thigh gently with his other hand. “Did you just get back from the gym?”

“Yeah.” Junmyeon knows his routines are so predictable it’s kind of laughable, but then again- he’s not the only one. At least his silly habits weren’t broadcast on national television like Minseok’s were. 

“Mm. Always so, so hardworking.” Baekhyun squeezes his thigh, rubs his hand up and down fondly. Just this simple touch is so grounding, so important, yet Junmyeon still wants more. 

“I just like working out. But don’t worry, I was careful with my wrist.” He doesn’t want a repeat of their previous argument, not ever. If there’s one thing he loathes, it’s disappointing the members, and especially Baekhyun. Baekhyun hyung. His own guardian.

Baekhyun laughs at that, his eyes scrunched up, but unlike on stage, he doesn’t cover his mouth with his delicate hand. Junmyeon can’t help but reach out to brush his hair out of his eyes with gentle fingers, carefully combing it to the side so it doesn’t fall back down to where it was. Baekhyun just grins and says, “Good. Well done. You can get a kiss as reward, if you’d like.”

And again- it’s Baekhyun offering. Baekhyun suggesting the dangerous things like they’re jokes, to give Junmyeon the chance to retreat and brush it off. Baekhyun wearing his heart on his sleeve for Junmyeon to take it, but doing his best to also leave him with a way out. But Junmyeon has realized that he doesn’t want one, only wishes he was as brave as Baekhyun is. 

“I would really like one,” he murmurs, and leans down, offering his cheek. Again, Baekhyun laughs, his slender fingers curling around the nape of Junmyeon’s neck carefully to hold him steady, and he then smooches a hot kiss on Junmyeon’s cheek, his temple, the corner of his mouth.

“There you go. Now, get comfortable with me or go away, it’s driving me insane watching you try to balance yourself on that inch of space you’ve got there. The couch can fit us both, you know.”

It’s the invitation Junmyeon was waiting for all along. 

He looks at Baekhyun, looks him up and down. He knows well how comfortable his chest is, how sturdy his arms feel underneath his head and around him, but if Baekhyun wants to play on his phone, Junmyeon shouldn’t get in the way. So, he scoots down the length of the couch a little and then gets in between Baekhyun’s legs, slowly lowering himself down intending to rest his head on Baekhyun’s stomach, not thinking twice of it until Baekhyun’s hand suddenly stops him from moving by the shoulder. 

“Not there,” Baekhyun murmurs, his eyes suddenly guarded. “Please- not there.”

Junmyeon blinks once, twice. “Why?” he can’t help but ask, confused. Why not where? He glances down, along Baekhyun’s body. He doesn’t get it.

“You know I’ve gained weight.” Baekhyun doesn’t say it accusingly, is just stating a fact. And it’s a fact- Junmyeon knows, has noticed, has heard Baekhyun complain about how his clothes don’t fit him like they used to. And oh- oh. Now he gets it. 

He puts his weight on one arm and smooths the other one down Baekhyun’s arm, then his side, hip, thigh. Searches for words, because he knows he’s walking a thin line here. He knows how much words can hurt, knows how much insecurity and pain there must already be for Baekhyun to refuse to let him even lay his head on his stomach. He doesn’t want to add to that.

“Your weight doesn’t determine your worth,” he says softly. He knows it sounds mechanical, like a memorized line from one of his many self-help books, but he thinks it’s true regardless. “I don’t care about how much you’ve gained weight, or how you look. Or how bad you think you look, rather. I don’t… Nothing changes, even if your weight does. Your abs were always meant to be a temporary project, weren’t they?”

Baekhyun is looking so awfully dejected, and it hurts to see him like this. Junmyeon presses on, hoping to fill up the silence with his words, hoping that at least something he says will make Baekhyun feel better. His sunshine, his source of light should not feel so down for anything. 

“Your weight doesn’t matter, Baekhyun-ah. Your happiness does. Your health does. You know the fans have told you they like it when you’re eating well, and so do I. I much rather have you happy, than obsessed over your weight. Always. You’re so beautiful… You’re so, so beautiful. And I will never judge you for how your body may change, Hyun-ah. Never. Firm or soft, I don’t care. But I also don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” He inches forward, sliding up so he can put his head on Baekhyun’s chest instead, and slides his hands underneath Baekhyun gently, as far as he can so he’s slightly hugging him without running the risk of having his arms fall asleep. “Please don’t worry about your weight.”

Baekhyun’s hand slides into his hair, begins to comb it back gently, his fingernails scratching at the right spots ever so lightly, and he puts his phone down to wrap his other arm around Junmyeon’s shoulders. The physical touch comforts Junmyeon greatly, but his words take him by complete surprise: “You’re so full of shit, Jun-ah.”

Junmyeon jerks his head up again, staring at Baekhyun with furrowed brows. “What is that supposed to mean?” he asks, looking quite bewildered. Baekhyun smiles at him, his lips pressed together, before guiding Junmyeon’s head back down on his chest. 

“It means that you’re such a hypocrite,” Baekhyun offers in the way of explanation, although it still doesn’t clarify anything to Junmyeon. He lifts his head back up, and Baekhyun pushes him back down with a quiet laugh before going serious again.

“Do you know how often I’ve wanted to say the same words to you, Junmyeon-ah? How many times I’ve wanted to smack some sense into you? Your weight doesn’t determine your worth either, yet you don’t act like it. We all know perfectly well how obsessed you are with your diet and your gym regime.” Baekhyun sounds slightly upset, sad almost, but his hands don’t cease their gentle movement over Junmyeon’s hair and Junmyeon doesn’t try to lift his head up anymore. If Baekhyun doesn’t wish to make eye contact, then he’ll respect that. 

But there’s no arguing against what Baekhyun said. It’s all true. He cares a lot about his body- about the things he eats, and about the things he does to shape his muscles at the gym. He has always been like that, proud of his toned body and also determined to maintain it. “It’s not like… like I determine my self-worth based on just that…” But even as he says it, he knows how poor that defense is. It’s true- there are many other things that affect the way he views himself, but his body is certainly one of them.

“Yet you would be even more upset than I am, if you found yourself gaining weight like this. Don’t try to lie to hyung.” 

And there’s no point in trying to deny that. They both know it to be true. Junmyeon feels ashamed, now- he never tries to offer advice that he isn’t living true himself, yet here he did it, and to Baekhyun nonetheless.

“Remember when we thought we were going to have to watch you die? When you were so thin, all of us worried you wouldn’t wake up to the next day?” Baekhyun’s voice is heavy with emotion as he says that, and the way he squeezes Junmyeon closer suggests an even bigger sense of hurt, even though it has been three years since that awful year. “You’ve gotten better, you’ve gotten healthier. But you’re still so skinny, and watching you obsess over your diet… not joining us to eat because you want to stick to your meal plan, not coming out with us to have fun because you have to go to the gym. I still worry. Hyung can’t help, but worry. So really, Jun-ah, everything you just said to me… I wish to say back to you.”

There’s not much to be said. Not much he can argue with, now that Baekhyun has to completely proven the fault in his logic and the words he said. But he does want to comfort him, offer reassurance. He hates it when the other members worry about him, as it is not their duty. The last thing he ever wants to be is a burden, even to Baekhyun. Especially Baekhyun.

“I take care of myself well, don’t I. I will never go back to how things were in 2014… Never. I promise.” He tilts his head up so that he can press his face in Baekhyun’s neck, leave a soft kiss there. He doesn’t know if eye contact is still not allowed or not, and so he doesn’t try to lift his head up. “If I promise to be better about all of that… If I promise to relinquish some of that control, then will you do the same? Will you let yourself feel more at ease, if I do better as well?”

Baekhyun kisses his forehead, his hairline, the top of his head, still squeezing him close. “It’s gonna be hard,” he admits, his voice a bit choked up. “I… I don’t like dieting, but I also don’t like this. I don’t know. It takes some time getting used to… But if you promise to feel better about yourself and not worry so much, then I will too. Hyung will do that, for you. So you don’t have to worry. I don’t like feeling insecure about letting you touch me, anyway. It ruins the fun.”

Junmyeon nuzzles Baekhyun’s neck, just breathes him in. He’s feeling emotional, he honestly is, and he knows that this was a huge conversation for both of them even if not a lot of words were exchanged. “I like you the best when you’re confident and loving yourself,” he says quietly. “I love my boisterous, brave Baekhyun hyung.”

And finally, Baekhyun guides his head up, gently pulling on strands of hair until Junmyeon gets the hint. When their eyes meet, it’s loaded with emotion- with words of affection often not so easily spoken between them, but the understanding is there, has been for a long time. 

“And I love my sweet, loving Junmyeon,” Baekhyun murmurs, guiding him in for a tender kiss. “Who always tries so hard to make everyone happy and sometimes forgets that the same rules apply to him too. Not even leaders are above the law, you know.” His smile against Junmyeon’s lips is teasing, and Junmyeon laughs softly despite himself, despite the emotional weight of the situation. 

He can always rely on Baekhyun to make everything better, lighter, easier. 

“I won’t forget, with hyung there to remind me.”

II

It’s been a long day. Concert days usually are; rehearsals in the morning, taking care of last minute things, getting their makeup and hair done, all the nervous energy leading up to the concert, and finally, the concert itself. Throw in a mix of interviews and posing for pictures, possibly a crisis or two for good measure. It’s not that Junmyeon doesn’t love doing concerts because he does, he loves them from the bottom of his heart, but just the three-hour-long performance alone is taxing.

When the others start to talk about heading out for the night to explore the foreign city a little, Junmyeon declines. He’s completely wiped out, and only wants to sleep. If they were to have an after party at the hotel, he would be game, but getting ready to go out and being out and about is just too much right now. 

Junmyeon knows that it’s the post-concert blues settling in, as he stares out of the window of the van as they’re taken to the hotel. Only rarely can he avoid feeling this way, when the high of the performance wears off and all he’s left is with aching muscles and silence. No cheering fans, no loud music, no nothing. Just him, alone. 

So far, the high has always been worth the low, but he doesn’t know if that could change, eventually.

The others disappear into their own rooms to get changed so they can head out, and Junmyeon slips away on his own quietly. He already told them he wouldn’t be joining them, and he doesn’t want to draw attention to himself. It would just make them insist for him to come, and he doesn’t want to get into that argument again. He knows they mean well, and a part of him is satisfied they would want him to come, but he really is too tired to be much fun for anybody.

Closing the door behind him, Junmyeon can truly feel the weight of the silence on his shoulders. His ears are almost ringing with it, the shock of it. From being surrounded by tens of thousands of people and feeling on top of the world, to being all by himself in a hotel room, far away from home. The contrast leaves him almost hollow.

Back when he still lived with Sehun in the dorms, getting a hotel room all to himself every once in a while felt like a nice change, but now he just feels just as lonely as he feels in the dorms. It sucks. It would be nice to at least have someone here with him, and he can understand why the rest wanted to head out. That way, they could push this moment of loneliness further away, soften the impact with good food and alcohol. 

But Junmyeon is too tired. Sighing, he pulls off his shirt and rummages through his suitcase to find his toiletries. He wiped away most of the stage makeup at the venue, but he wants a proper shower to wash off all the grime and sweat of the day.

Before he can get that far, there’s a knock on the door. Junmyeon is only a little surprised- since he’s the leader, there are always things that come up, things that he needs to take care of, things the managers want to talk to him about. He runs a hand through his hair and pads over to get the door on socked feet to answer it. 

When he swings the door open, he comes face to face with Baekhyun. That is a bit unexpected, because he figured it would be one of the managers, but not unwelcome. He gives him a tentative smile, and glances at his clothes. He hasn’t changed- hasn’t showered, either. 

“What’s up?” he asks, unsure if Baekhyun wants to come in or if he came to ask Junmyeon to come out. “Aren’t you supposed to be getting ready to head out? Did you need something?”

“Not really,” Baekhyun responds with, and walks past him into the room. That really doesn’t explain why he’s here, but Junmyeon closes the door and follows after him with a puzzled look on his face.

“I thought you were heading out,” he points out as he watches Baekhyun take the liberty to plug his phone in Junmyeon’s charger. “Shouldn’t you be showering and all of that? The others aren’t going to wait around for you, you know that.”

Baekhyun turns back towards him, his signature smile in place. He looks tired as well, but that’s no surprise. Baekhyun is always so, so hyper during concerts that it’s bound to wear down even his massive supply of energy and bubbliness.

“I decided not to go,” he answers simply. “I got here and I realized I was far too exhausted to feel so pumped about going out. I mean, we’ve been here before, and we’ll come again. No big deal.”

“Oh.” Junmyeon doesn’t have an intelligent response to that, and Baekhyun laughs softly at that. “Uh, so- What are you in here for, then? Shouldn’t you still be showering and stuff?” He knows he sounds like a broken record at this point, but Baekhyun isn’t really explaining himself at all.

“I figured I’d do it with you,” Baekhyun says with a cheeky wink. “I thought we could have a nice evening to ourselves, the two of us. Shower, order some food, go to sleep. Simple, clean fun.”

“We should be clean after a shower, yes,” Junmyeon cracks a joke awkwardly, and Baekhyun just rolls his eyes at him. But the thought of showering together brings back memories- brings back how this all started, between them, as vague as it is. Neither one of them has given this a name, has taken the step to set things straight, but Junmyeon is content with this as it is. Whatever this is, he knows he wants it to last. Wants to keep sharing these moments with Baekhyun for a long time to come.

His cheeks flush and he turns away, busies himself with his luggage to look for clothes to sleep in. He doesn’t know how innocent Baekhyun might have been with the suggestion to shower together, so he tries not to get ahead of himself. “I would really like that,” he says quietly. “I- I really do want to spend time with you.”

Baekhyun steps up to him, and puts his arms around him before pecking his cheek softly. “And I want to spend time with you,” he says, squeezing Junmyeon closer. “And I was worried about you. You always feel so down after a concert, I didn’t want you to go through that alone. I can’t make up for an arena of fans, of course, but I hope that I’m at least better than nothing.”

Junmyeon turns his head to see Baekhyun’s eyes. The tone he said that with almost sounds like he’s joking, but in his eyes Junmyeon can see only sincerity. Bright, beautiful Baekhyun- always, always reaching out first, when Junmyeon hesitates and shies away. His beloved Baekhyun.

“You’re brighter than the sun itself,” he whispers, and connects their lips in a sweet kiss. His cheeks are definitely burning up now, after such a corny line, but he’s determined to ignore that. No matter how much Baekhyun might tease him for it later, he wanted to say it. It’s the truth, after all.

Baekhyun lingers in the kiss, although he doesn’t make a move to make it any more heated, hands firm on Junmyeon’s body. When he does pull away, it’s with a sweet smile, his eyes fond as he gazes at Junmyeon.

“Let’s shower now, yeah?” He pats Junmyeon on the bum lightly, and then steps away to start stripping down. “I’ll borrow something from you to wear to bed, if that’s alright.”

“Of course.”

Junmyeon pushes his pants down and kicks his underwear off, and trails after Baekhyun into the shower with his bag of toiletries in hand. He lets Baekhyun fiddle with the shower while he rummages through the bag to take out shampoo, conditioner, cleanser and the small mitten he uses for body scrubbing. Hotel shower gel will do just fine, but the rest he’s a bit more particular about.

The water is at the perfect temperature when he steps under the spray, Baekhyun making room for him easily. They have this well figured out by now, taking turns under the direct spray of water and moving around each other. But tonight, Baekhyun seems to wish for a break from the usual choreography. 

“Stand there. I’ll shampoo your hair.” And before Junmyeon can get a word in, Baekhyun’s long fingers slide into his hair, instantly turning him into putty in his hands. Baekhyun knows just the perfect way to do it, too, his nails scratching at his scalp just right as he lathers up his hair. He’s efficient but unhurried, humming under his breath, and Junmyeon allows his eyes to slip closed as he lets Baekhyun’s fingers wash away all of his worries.

“Tilt your head back, yeah, just like that.” Baekhyun’s fingers brush through his hair as the water washes away the shampoo, and Junmyeon would purr if he could, feeling so pleased. But he’s never been selfish, and so he’s more than eager to return the gesture, carefully lathering up Baekhyun’s black locks, delighted by how silky they feel between his fingers.

Baekhyun lets him put on the conditioner on his own, but then holds up the scrub mitten with a slight smile. “Let me scrub your back for you. This is exactly why you should shower with others, how are you ever going to reach your own back without any help?” He’s grinning as he says it, but his hand is firm on Junmyeon’s shoulder as he spins him around so he can start washing his back. Junmyeon’s body moves on instinct, his hands coming up against the wall for support as Baekhyun scrubs down his back vigorously. 

“I just don’t want to be a bother,” he says meekly as Baekhyun’s hands move across his shoulders in circles, digging into the knots there while also taking away the dead skin. “I’m not like you, I can’t go around demanding people shower with me.”

“They would agree to it, though,” Baekhyun points out. “Kyungsoo would, at least. And most others, too.”

Junmyeon squirms a little, both from how hard Baekhyun is scrubbing him down but also from feeling flustered by that answer. “I just don’t want to be a bother,” he repeats, not knowing what else to say. 

“It shows, there’s so much dead skin flaking off,” Baekhyun mutters, but his tone is still playful and Junmyeon just rolls his eyes.

Baekhyun takes his time, dedicated to his task, making sure to get every inch of his back and even cheekily going over his ass and upper thighs. Junmyeon’s cheeks are burning up but he can’t hide his own giggles, thoroughly enjoying being teased but also happy to be taken care of and touched in such intimate manner. When he turns away from the wall and asks Baekhyun to give him the mitten back so he can take care of the rest, Baekhyun refuses and insists that he should do it because he’s so good at it, and just grabs Junmyeon’s arm to begin washing him down.

It’s so relaxing, and it leaves Junmyeon’s skin all warm and tingly. Baekhyun peppers soft kisses on his skin as well, gently taking care of him, and Junmyeon feels so good by the end of it, better than after any professional massage he’s ever received. Baekhyun smiles at him as he finishes, arms coming around him to hold him steady.

“Turned you into putty, didn’t I,” he murmurs in his ear, patting him on the back. “Let’s wash off the conditioner and get out before we turn into prunes.”

“But what about you,” Junmyeon points out, rubbing his cheek against Baekhyun’s shoulder lightly. Now that the intimacy has been initiated by someone else, he finds it so easy to just follow along and pour all of his heart into it. “Don’t you want me to repeat the favor for you too?”

“Nah, I’m good.” Baekhyun grabs his waist to scoot him backwards and under the spray again. “You can do it for me next time. I’m too exhausted now to bother.”

Junmyeon would argue against that, if he weren’t as tired as he is. Also, he can tell when Baekhyun’s word is final. He’s so bubbly and bright, but beneath it all, he’s also very determined, and knows what he wants. Junmyeon would be fighting a losing battle, to start to argue against him. And he doesn’t want to ruin the mood, doesn’t want anything to taint this moment shared between them.

So, he does as told, and rinses out the conditioner. Baekhyun ushers him out and Junmyeon dries himself down while Baekhyun finishes washing up.

They put on simple clothes from Junmyeon’s suitcase, before Baekhyun calls for room service, ordering two dishes of food while Junmyeon surfs the channels on the TV to try and find something they could watch. He lands on an Ironman movie, and he decides it’s good enough. It’s not dubbed over, so they can try and understand the English.

Baekhyun tells him to get comfortable in bed, and he goes to get the door when the food arrives. Technically Junmyeon is a little against eating in bed but he feels so mellow and soft that he doesn’t want to say anything. He feels so cozy, dressed ready for bed and cuddled under the blankets, and it’s even better when Baekhyun slides in bed next to him with the tray of food balanced between them.

It’s not as naughty as he thought it could be, in passing- but in a way, he’s grateful. It feels significant to realize how physically intimate they can be with each other yet it doesn’t have to be sexual in nature. It’s not awkward to just spend time like this, close and affectionate, without feeling the need to jump each other’s bones. This is what he treasures the most, this side of Baekhyun, this side of their relationship no one else gets to witness.

He cuddles up to Baekhyun with his head on his shoulder as they eat, and Baekhyun simply reacts with a quiet hum and a kiss to his forehead, before his attention goes back to the food and the movie. And it’s everything Junmyeon wanted- that none of this needs to be a big deal. That this is enough. He’s enough, as he is, even after everything has been stripped away.

Junmyeon doesn’t remember falling asleep, but he stirs as Baekhyun maneuvers him on the bed from a sitting up position to a more comfortable one. He makes a confused noise and reaches out for Baekhyun blindly, momentarily unsure of what is going on and where he is. The lights are off and all he can hear is the smile in Baekhyun’s voice as he reassures him that it’s alright to go back to sleep.

“Just sleep, shh, hyung’s here. It’s alright, I was just trying to make you more comfortable. Sleep now.” Baekhyun settles down next to him, and it’s all the encouragement Junmyeon needs to do just that, shuffling closer to him so that they can sleep pressed right against each other. It’s clingy, but he doesn’t have the presence of mind to even consider that. He only knows that he needs him, needs him close.

“Hyung’s got you. Just sleep.”

III

Night time really isn’t made for Junmyeon, at least not when he gets into his funky moods. This is where having a roommate used to help, as he could at least lay in bed and listen to Sehun’s breathing, listen to his sheets rustling as he moved, and know he wasn’t alone in the universe even if he felt like it. And he would usually drift off like that, unconsciously, calmed down by the rhythm of steady breathing, or in desperate cases he could even slide into bed next to Sehun to be near to someone. It was a childish habit and he knew it wasn’t necessarily very cute when he did it, but him and Sehun had an understanding that sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures.

But now, in his own room, he feels like he has been abandoned by the world.

It isn’t even the post-concert blues. He just feels icky, sad for no reason, and nothing is taking his mind off it. It’s getting late and although he doesn’t have an early morning tomorrow, he’d still like to get proper rest tonight. But it doesn’t seem to be working out. He tosses and turns, yet his thoughts don’t quiet down.

A part of him knows quite well why this is- EXO-CBX is in Japan currently, shooting and promoting their newest Japanese single. It’s all fine and well in Junmyeon’s book, except he misses Baekhyun terribly.

Slowly, he has come to accept that it’s alright to go looking for Baekhyun. That he can reach out, and he won’t be brushed off, and won’t be rejected. He’s learnt that Baekhyun doesn’t care how late it is, or how early it is, especially if he can go right back to sleep after tending to Junmyeon first. But now, he’s not even in South Korea, so what is Junmyeon to do?

He looks at his phone, currently charging on his mattress, and wonders. He cannot remember what their schedules were like, so he cannot be sure where Baekhyun is or what he’s doing, but a text message shouldn’t be too disruptive. He can do that, right? Hesitantly, he grabs his phone and opens up kakaotalk to shoot Baekhyun a message.

[ text ] hi  
[ text ] what are you up to? I hope I’m not waking you up… 

He doesn’t have to wait for a reply. Before he can even click out of the chatroom, the read receipts show that Baekhyun has already seen his messages. That’s good- at least he can’t have been sleeping, to have reacted so quickly. 

[ text ] just at the hotel chilling why

Junmyeon bites his lip. He doesn’t quite know what to say, how to explain how he feels. But he knows that Baekhyun deserves bravery, deserves his best effort. Most importantly, Baekhyun shouldn’t have to play guessing games with him.

[ text ] I was trying to sleep but I can’t ☹   
[ text ] I miss you

The receipts go off as soon as he hits send, but instead of another message, his phone rings, Baekhyun’s name and face on the screen. It startles Junmyeon a tiny bit, but it also makes him feel warm inside. Baekhyun always knows the right thing to do, even when Junmyeon isn’t so sure of it himself.

He picks up the call with a swipe of his finger, and brings the phone to his ear.

“You miss me, huh?” Baekhyun sounds a little too pleased about it, a little too smug. It makes him a bit embarrassed, but at the same time, he loves the teasing in moderation. It’s the Baekhyun he knows and loves.

Loves- yes. He swallows around the sudden lump in his throat to speak.

“Yeah,” he whispers, although surely no one should be able to hear him. “I would come and snuggle you so I could sleep, but now you’re not here and I don’t know what to do.”

He’s pouting, and he knows Baekhyun can sense that. It’s a tiny bit ridiculous- they have to be apart due to their schedules quite a bit, yet this has only recently become an issue. This is also partially the reason why Junmyeon is so shy to truly open up, because he knows that his clinginess can be a bit much.

“I’m sorry that I can’t be there as your teddy bear,” Baekhyun murmurs back, and although there’s once again that teasing tilt to his voice, his words are still sincere. “I miss you too, honestly. I wish I could be there with you.”

Junmyeon is quiet, wringing the blankets in his free hand. He doesn’t know what to say. A part of him is glad that Baekhyun feels the same, but he’s saddened by the fact that they cannot be together in this moment. Again, he should be used to this, as most relationships he’s had have been inevitably been long distance at least for periods of time, but somehow this is worse. They’re a team and they live together, and missing one of his own members like this is an odd novelty. 

“You really can’t sleep, huh?”

“I really can’t,” Junmyeon admits. “I’ve been trying to for like two hours, but nothing is working, but I don’t want to take the pills because they make me so groggy in the morning.” He knows he’s whining, but he thinks that Baekhyun doesn’t judge.

“Do you have to be up early?”

“Not really.” He shrugs his shoulders even though he knows Baekhyun can’t see. “It just sucks. I would like to get proper rest, you know.”

“I know.” Baekhyun hums softly. “You know what though- get up. Put on something that’s decent enough, and go downstairs.”

Junmyeon sits up almost automatically, although Baekhyun’s words don’t quite make sense to him. Despite it, he grabs his sweatpants to pull them on over his boxers. “To go sleep in your bed?” he asks. He grabs a hoodie to throw on, and then pads out of his room. It’s dark in the living area of the dorm, but he doesn’t need the lights to navigate his way to the front door and find shoes to slip on.

“No, something better.”

“Like what exactly?” Sounds even more confusing. He hurries downstairs, fingers crossed he won’t run into anyone. “If you’re not sending me to sleep in your bed then what else is there?”

“Just get in there first.” Baekhyun once again sounds so pleased with himself. He’s purposefully teasing Junmyeon now, by refusing to tell him, but Junmyeon trusts him. 

He arrives in the other dorm. It’s just as dark as his own, but it’s also just as familiar. Junmyeon does take greater care to put his shoes away though, the instinct automatic when entering Minseok’s living quarters, even when his hyung isn’t present.

“I just got here. What do you want me to do? Is there something in the fridge?” He’s not one to eat away his emotions, usually, but if Baekhyun sent him here for a snack he wouldn’t argue against it.

Baekhyun laughs fondly. “No, not that. Go to Kyungsoo’s room.”

Junmyeon pauses in his footsteps, brows furrowed. “Why do you want me to go there? Did you leave something in there? But I think he has to be sleeping though-”

“Which is why you’re going to wake him up. No, hear me out here- you’re going to wake him up, give the phone to him, and I’ll talk to him for a moment, alright? You’re going to use him as your teddy bear to sleep soundly tonight. Don’t you worry, it’s going to be so nice.” Baekhyun is so sure of this idea, but Junmyeon can’t help but have his doubts.

“Baekhyun-” “Hyung.” “Hyung, I don’t know… I don’t know if I can ask him to do that…” Junmyeon stares at his toes, curls in on himself like he’s prone to do when he’s feeling insecure about something. “Isn’t it going to be really weird if I wake him up just for cuddles?”

It kind of feels like he’s a child again, hovering behind his parents’ door late at night, wondering if he could go in and wake up his mother. He remembers feeling just as reluctant as he does right now, but also just as needy for company and comfort. If only Baekhyun was here and not in Japan…

“Kyungsoo is a lot fonder of you than you think.” Baekhyun says it so easily. “But he’s also a lot more willing to give a helping hand than you think. He always showers with me, even when he wasn’t going to shower himself. So what’s sharing his bed with you for the night?”

Junmyeon doesn’t quite agree with the latter part of that statement, but he also knows he’s fighting a losing battle against Baekhyun, who’s nothing but stubborn when he sets his mind to something. And right now, what Baekhyun wants is Junmyeon in Kyungsoo’s bed, evidently. He sighs softly but walks from the kitchen to the door of Kyungsoo’s room, and pushes it open, holding his breath.

It’s even darker in the room than in the rest of the dorm, with the blinds drawn, but Junmyeon knows where the bed is. He shuffles his way over, careful so he doesn’t run into anything, and stands by the bed, hovering awkwardly. He’s woken up his band members on countless mornings, so this shouldn’t be as nerve-wracking as it is. He feels so silly doing this.

“Stop stalling, Junmyeon-ah.”

He doesn’t want to respond verbally, as though keeping quiet matters when he’s seconds away from nudging Kyungsoo awake, so he just ignores Baekhyun for now and reaches over to nudge Kyungsoo gently. He’s completely hidden underneath the covers, but he stirs after the first touch to what Junmyeon assumes to be his shoulder. Junmyeon repeats the action, and Kyungsoo sits up, rubbing his eyes and temple as he does. 

“What the hell?” He sounds groggy and a bit pissed, and Junmyeon recoils away slightly. Kyungsoo reaches for the bedside lamp and turns it on, causing them both to squint their eyes in the sudden brightness. “Hyung, what are you doing here? Is something wrong? Is it morning already?”

“Oh no, it’s not morning- I’m so sorry for waking you up.” Junmyeon is still holding his phone to his ear awkwardly, and he doesn’t quite know what to say further. This only causes Kyungsoo to squint at him even more, looking even more irritated. No one likes to be disturbed in the middle of the night, Junmyeon gets that. 

“What’s going on?” 

“Give him the phone,” Baekhyun tells him at the same time, and Junmyeon holds his hand out almost on reflex. Kyungsoo gets startled by it but he takes the phone from him and presses it to his ear, murmuring a formal greeting into it. 

Junmyeon can hear Baekhyun’s voice but not what he’s saying, and so he’s left standing there, wringing his hands together as he waits. The look on Kyungsoo’s face doesn’t change as he listens to Baekhyun, and Junmyeon feels more and more sorry for doing this with each second that passes. This was such a bad idea, he should have known.

Finally, Kyungsoo lowers the phone and holds it against his shoulder as he turns to look at Junmyeon, his expression smoothed out to one of slight worry. “You can’t sleep?” he asks, to which Junmyeon nods his head wordlessly. 

“Alright. Well, let’s do as Baekhyun says, since he’s the mastermind in all this.” Kyungsoo laughs a little as he shuffles on the bed, rearranging his pillows before getting comfortable on his back. “He said you like to sleep on his chest but, you can do whatever you’d like, hyung. Just get in here.”

It’s quite confusing, that Kyungsoo is taking this in such a stride, but in his confusion, he decides it’s best to just follow directions. He’s embarrassed and shy, but he gets on the bed and settles down against Kyungsoo’s side tentatively. Kyungsoo is so much broader than Baekhyun, a bit sturdier, but it’s not a bad difference. Just something that stands out to him, when they’re this close. 

Kyungsoo lets him take care of the covers as he lifts the phone back to his ear. “Yeah, we’re in bed now,” he tells Baekhyun. “So what now?”

Junmyeon burrows into the blankets, and Kyungsoo slips his arm underneath him to bring him closer and guides his head to rest on his shoulder, before giving him his phone back. Junmyeon is feeling quite self-conscious, honestly, but also so much calmer already, and he does his best to relax and get comfortable.

Baekhyun’s voice is quieter now as he talks to Junmyeon. “Are you comfortable now?” he asks, and there’s no teasing or mischief in his words anymore. “Kyungsoo-ya will take good care of you, as my physical substitute, but do you want me to stay on the line and talk to you? Sing for you?”

A part of Junmyeon is really, really touched. Here he is, cuddled by one person and coddled by another on the phone, and he feels quite undeserving of such attention and affection. But it’s already working; he can breathe easier, and the anxiety is melting away. Kyungsoo’s hand brushes up and down his arm, and being able to feel someone breathe next to him helps in grounding him.

“If you don’t mind,” he whispers back. “It would be really nice.”

“Of course I don’t mind. Anything for my Junmyeon-ah.” 

And sleep does come easy. Kyungsoo reaches over him to turn off the light before settling down once again, Junmyeon tucked safely against his side. He seems entirely unbothered by Junmyeon’s presence, his breathing evening out quickly. Junmyeon closes his eyes and then Baekhyun begins to hum softly, before it turns into a soft ballad Junmyeon doesn’t know the name of. And he doesn’t hear it to the end, quickly falling asleep to the sweet melody and to the special timbre of Baekhyun’s voice.

E N C O R E

On the other end of the line, Baekhyun has no way of telling when Junmyeon has fallen asleep. He keeps singing though, at times resorting to just quiet humming. He’s in bed as well, ready to go to sleep, but he wanted to do this for Junmyeon first. It’s kind of endearing that Junmyeon misses him when he’s away and that he needs him to sleep, but at the same time it makes his heart ache. He doesn’t want to think of Junmyeon being sad or anxious, and he especially doesn’t like not being there for him when it happens.

He’s half way through the second song when Kyungsoo’s voice comes through in a whisper. “Hyung is asleep,” Kyungsoo tells him, his voice hushed. “He knocked out so fast.”

“Ah, poor thing,” Baekhyun murmurs, but he can at least now breathe a sigh of relief. If this hadn’t worked, he doesn’t know what he could have suggested next. He totally understands why Junmyeon feels iffy about the medication, but sometimes it’s just necessary. They can’t afford to lose sleep, what little they get to have.

“Yeah, he looked so scared when he came in.” Kyungsoo sighs as well. Baekhyun really meant what he said when he assured Junmyeon Kyungsoo cares about him a lot; Kyungsoo isn’t always the best at showing his affection, but that doesn’t mean those feelings aren’t there. It would be easier if Junmyeon was less afraid of depending on others, but at least he’s now working on it.

“Mm. He didn’t want to believe me when I told him to just go in your room but I’m glad he did. Thanks for taking care of him.”

“No problem. Not the first time.”

That is indeed true. Baekhyun does remember the last time he fought with Junmyeon, and how Kyungsoo stepped in to help him shower. Again, proof of the lengths Kyungsoo is willing to go for the people he cares about; if only Junmyeon wasn’t so forgetful of gestures of affection towards him.

“Just don’t make things awkward for him in the morning, he might not survive that,” he quips quietly, smiling to himself. He can imagine it, Junmyeon with his bed hair and puffy eyes, staring at Kyungsoo in confusion before he remembers how he got there. Adorable.

Kyungsoo snorts through his nose, and Baekhyun can hear the bedsheets rustle. He’s honestly a bit jealous- he would give so much to be there cuddling Junmyeon right now, but there’s no helping that. At least their promotions in Japan will be over soon, and he will be back in Korea with the rest of EXO and with Junmyeon.

His Junmyeon. 

“Take good care of him for me, alright? I’m the hyung so you have to obey me, understood?”

He can almost hear Kyungsoo rolling his eyes. “I was gonna say that Junmyeon hyung is the hyung, but then I remembered that he calls you hyung now, so, I guess that stands. Anyway, good night. Tell Jongdae and Minseok hyung I said hi.”

Baekhyun laughs, but he’s quick to quiet himself with a hand over his mouth. He doesn’t want to wake Junmyeon up by accident.

“Will do. Good night.”

He puts away his phone and curls up in the covers, getting comfortable. It warms his heart to know that Junmyeon is being taken care of, even if he himself is miles and miles away. But nonetheless, it will be so sweet to return back to him, and see his smile, hear his laugh. He’s so smitten it’s kind of silly, yet he doesn’t have it in him to care. He’s long since accepted these feelings as fact.

Whether they will ever call each other boyfriends or not, he doesn’t know, but they will solve that when the time is right.


End file.
